A Cat Stuck In A Tree

[Arson Anthem]

*I close the door behind myself and walk over, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Red looks so tiny, curled up in the corner like that* How are you doing? Are you managing okay?

[redhavoc]

*I nod quickly again, wanting to assure Arson. It's not true, but I don't know what else to do. A shiver runs through me when I begin thinking about them again and I pull the blankets tighter. Arson becomes a blur and I do my best to blink back the tears. I haven't cried so far and I'm not going to start now, not after what Gear said*

[Arson Anthem]

*I shake my head when I see her reaction* I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I want you to tell me the truth. *I reach over and brush her hair away from her face* I want to help, Red.

[redhavoc]

*I break down when she brushes my bangs away and begin to cry quietly. I look down and hold out my arms, the wrists starting to bruise a bit where they were holding me down. I want to tell how much it freaked me out, how helpless I felt, how rough their hands were. I want her to know I may never trust another man, including Max, and how much that scares me. Mostly, I just want her to hold me...*

[Arson Anthem]

*I pull her towards me and wrap my arms around her, still in her blanket cocoon, resting my cheek on the top of her head and rocking slightly back and forth* It's okay... it's okay to cry... *I rub slow circles on her back, my eyes closed* You're safe here. They can't get you here. They were wrong, and none of it was your fault, and it's over now.

*I keep talking, my voice quiet. I'm not sure if my words are helping, but it's the best I can do. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now, and I can't make it better, but if I can just help her then maybe that's enough*

[Moonlight Revenge]

*I hear the noise around the place, so I wake up quickly and run to the front of the theater, hoping that those "killjoys" didn't return but I find Jump, PB and the rest of the killjoys around* welcome back, guys *I wave a little bit and go sit on the edge of the stage*

[petroleumblaster]

*I come out of the kitchen carrying a makeshift tray with bowls of beans and rice. I grin at Moon's greeting and go over to her, lowering the tray so she can grab a bowl*

Thanks, Moon! How are you? Did you find a safehouse?

[redhavoc]

*I lean into Arson, crying harder. She feels warm and I find I don't mind her touching me. It is my fault, though, that much I know. I was stupid and foolish and I probably deserve it all. If only I could talk... maybe someday*

[Arson Anthem]

*I wait until Red's sobs start to subside, and then reach over and pick up the notebook, a pen threaded through the spiral binding. I put it in her hand, lightly touching beneath her chin to get her to look up at me* Talk to me. About whatever you want. *Talk, write, she knows what I mean.*

[redhavoc]

*I wipe my eyes, and take the pen. As soon as I begin writing it all begins to flow out*

writes: 'My fault, Arson, for trying to go find food. I just wanted to help and then there were killjoys in the store. I didn't want to shoot because they were like you, but then they pinned me down and they didn't care and they were going to do things to me. In BLI-*I hesitate for a moment and scratch the half-sentence out. She doesn't have to know* How do you know who to trust? I can still feel their hands...

*I look back at my jumble of sentences, ideas bouncing around as if they themselves were on caffeine pills.I shake my head and hand it to her*

[Arson Anthem]

No. *The word comes out a bit louder than I'd intended, and I put my hand on Red's to reassure her when I see her nearly flinch* Never think it's your fault. It's not. Maybe it's your fault that you went out on your own without telling anyone, but you can't blame yourself for what those men did. That's on them, and them alone. *My heart's breaking for her right now - to go through that is bad enough, but to think she has the responsibility? And I don't like thinking about the two words she crossed out.*

You should have been able to trust them. If I were in your position I probably would have done the same thing. I like to think all killjoys are good, but it's just not true. You can always defend yourself, Red. You always have that right, no matter what.

[redhavoc]

*I nod a little, Arson's words slowly sinking in. When she hands me the book again I write a bit more. I'm not sure if I need to. Maybe I just want to ensure she'll stay in the room or hear the sound of her voice. I scoot closer to her and lean in a bit without realizing it*

writes: 'I thought I knew the world, Arson, it was so simple. Kill the bad and impress the good, but now I can't tell one from the other... and some are both! And, Arson, I don't like men anymore, but Max... what does it mean?'

[Arson Anthem]

*I think about her question for a moment. It's a hard one.* Nothing's really that simple. I learned that a long time ago. You know, that's what a lot of killjoys think too? Kill the bad, impress the good. No room for error. But that leads to the men in the town; they were the good, you were the bad, and they have to be right because those are the only two options.

*I sigh* There's no easy answer. You just have to judge each person as they come, regardless of what side you think they're on - and even then, it's complicated. Today, I spoke to a draculoid at the side of the road. I lied to him so he would think I was BLI, and honestly, he seemed like a nice guy. But I wouldn't have hesitated to stun him, because I felt that getting the food back to all of you and keeping the rest of the team safe was more important - which would have made me a bad person in the eyes of the rest of the patrol. And as for men...

*I pause again, trying to choose my words, and end up going back to my initial point* Men aren't just good and bad either. No one will blame you for keeping your distance, I promise you that, but you shouldn't think of them the way BLI thinks of the killjoys. Whatever that gang had in mind, and whatever happened to you in the Tower, Max is the same person he's always been. If you trusted him before, there's no reason you can't trust him now.

[redhavoc]

*I bite my lower lip, thinking. Everything she's saying makes sense. I want to record it all and play it 100 times back, because right now the world makes just a little bit more sense. I take the book back and write, slower this time*

writes: 'So, trust your gut, even when the world changes? It was always this complicated wasn't it? The world, I mean. I think that maybe I just didn't see it before. Maybe... it's even more complicated, but I want to know everything, Arson. I think I want to learn... and not the way I learned before'

*I hand the book to her and look into her eyes, she really is very beautiful. I wonder if she knows that?*

[Arson Anthem]

*I smile* Yes, exactly. It's okay to make rules, to try to put order to things, but when those rules don't fit you have to be able to change them. Take Jump, for example. He's a killjoy, and you've always been told killjoys are dangerous. He's also a doctor, and after what you've been through, you probably don't have much of a soft spot for them. Not to mention the fact that he's a man. But if he were to join us in here - and I think he might, sooner or later - do you think he'd want to do you harm?