Shades of Grey

[Max Griffiths]

*I shake my head* You wouldn't notice anything if they did their job well. They - *but I trail off, starting to understand what she means. But that's not possible. That shouldn't be possible, not when I am what I am. And if anyone else realizes it... if Wilson realizes it...*

[redhavoc]

*I look at Max curiously when he trails off, then look out the window and realize we are trailing off the road. I tap Max on the shoulder hard, very close to just grabbing the steering wheel*

[Max Griffiths]

*I blink, refocusing on the world past my windshield, and quickly steer the car back onto the road* Sorry... *I mutter, still distracted*

[redhavoc]

*I leave Max alone then, thinking about ways I could force myself to remember, ways I never thought about when they erased whatever was before BLI. I could write notes to myself and hide them everywhere... or secretly tell a friend everything, if I knew anybody... or I could sneak into the vaults and hope BLI's cameras caught me out here. For each way I think of, however, most of my memories will still be lost. We are both quiet and Max is not looking at me anymore. He seems to be deep in thought and I don't disturb him*

[Max Griffiths]

*Eventually I pull off the road again, this time following a gravel driveway to a farm-style house on a small rise. Parking around the back, I get out and enter the building. It doesn't take me long to confirm that there aren't any dangers; it seems that it hasn't been used as a safehouse because the only supplies I find are long ago expired, left behind by the original owners.*

*When I step back out I see that Red's still sitting in the car, waiting for me to tell her she can come in. I nod towards the house, signalling the all clear, and wait for her to join me.*

[redhavoc]

*I get out of the car and open the back door to get our clean clothing. The bag is a little heavy even though I don't put it on the side with the stitches. I don't complain, annoyed more with how weak I feel than anything, and manage to make it to Max. The house was painted blue at one point, but now it's faded by the sun and acid rain. However, most of the glass seems intact on the house, a rarity in the zones. A feral cat comes out of the barn to greet us and I look at it curiously*

[Max Griffiths]

*I can tell the bag is weighing Red down so I take it from her, ignoring the cat. Emptying the clothes out onto the wooden kitchen table, I pick out a shirt and jacket and take them into one of the bedrooms to change. There's a mirror in the room and I face away from it without thinking, wadding up the other shirt I had on and tossing it into the fireplace when I return to the main room*

[redhavoc]

*I grab a pair of pants, regualtion BLI white, and head to the bathroom to change. The mirror in there shows a more tired and tan person than I am used to, and there are some scratches on my face, but all in all I decide I look the same. I leave on my star shirt, liking it for some reason. I decide it looks satisfactory under my white BLI jacket. Back in the main room I fish around in the bag, finally finding a new pair of socks, and sit down on right on the kitchen floor to change them*

*The cat had followed us in and I now see it staring at me from across the kitchen. I stare back, unsure what it wants. BLI, as a rule, never kept animals*

[Max Griffiths]

*I use my lighter to set the old shirt on fire, spending several seconds just watching the flames dance. Glancing up when Red comes back in, I notice that she kept the killjoy shirt but don't say anything. Her confusion about the cat triggers a memory from my childhood, and I absently comment* It wants you to pet it.

[redhavoc]

*I look up at Max, handing him my old scrubs to add to the fire. I frown a little in confusion. Is he serious? Wouldn't the cat just bite me? I hold out my hand, palm up, and the cat come closer. I'm ready to pull away when goes for me with its sharp teeth and/or claws, not entirely trusting Max on this point*

[Max Griffiths]

*I add the scrubs to the fire, then cross the room to stand by one of the windows facing towards the road. The cat gives a quiet growl when I pass and backs up a step, but I don't react. It calms down once I lean against the far wall and start keeping watch*

[redhavoc]

*I back away when the cat hisses, but then it comes towards me, rubbing its body against my arm. I start to pet it and it makes a humming sound. I think that means it's happy...*

[Max Griffiths]

*I stay by the window until the sun sets, only then realizing we haven't eaten all day. I go out to the car to fetch some of our food, bringing it back inside and passing half to Red. I'm completely in control of my emotions once more, not even very worried about Wilson and Orwell. If they find us, I'll deal with it. Until then there's no use wasting energy thinking about it. And as for what Red may or may not think about me, that doesn't matter either. I tell myself she's professional enough to let go of any such attachments if they ever become a danger.*

[redhavoc]

*I play with the cat for a while, facinated by the fact that an animal could be this interested in me. When Max brings the food in I eagerly wolf it down. We sit at the table togther and eat in silence, but it is a comfortable silence. I wonder if this was what it was like before the wars. Probably louder, more busy, and more animals, but still...*

*After the meal I notice that the fire is out. I point outside, trying to tell Max that I want to go outside to find somewood, maybe tear the siding off the barn or something*

[Max Griffiths]

*I look from the fire to Red, then nod* Going to get some wood? Just take your gun. If I hear a shot I'll come out.